Feng-Shui, VooDoo and a Near Death Experience

 I was making some great progress on Monday. 

• Fixed the leaky sink drain. (It was broken in 3 places! Cracked and bad seals.)
• Fixed the leaky hose bibb outside. (Frost-free, my butt.)
• Set up a sprinkler for the garden (It hadn't rained in over a week.)

Feng shui relates water to money. A flow of water around your home is like the flow of money. When you have a leaky house, you're probably leaking money, too. That's the idea. I've never really understood cause and effect in feng shui. Does mismanaging finances cause a leaky sink drain to appear in your life? Or does the leaky sink drain spring a leak in your finances? 

I'm not saying I don't believe. I do think there's a strange truth in it all. And I don't have to understand how microchips work to take a phone call. So I fixed the leaky stuff and some part of me believes it will help me quit leaking cash. Belief is weird. 

I also believe in voodoo. Not exactly like "voodoo", but the way you can send someone negative vibes, or be on the recipient end of it. I think you can also send and recieve good vibes, and I try to do that a lot. I don't think it's even related to karma. I think it's related to a human ability we haven't really delved into. I might be totally batshit. ... But then again, I think most people are.

Later on Monday, after lots of progress and high fives to myself and feeling good... I was hacking away at the poke weed invading my backyard and stumbled into a nest of ground dwelling yellowjackets. I've never had an issue with them before. I've even found myself standing over the opening to a lair and them flying in and out between my legs with no issue. Total synchonicity and happy bugs. I have been stung a handful of times in my life by various waspy things and that's never really bothered me either. I go on my way, they go on theirs. The ants in Florida are worse than most wasps. 

This time... I got stung 3 times, was chased all over the property, and then started to hyperventilate. My vision clouded over, my heart started racing, and I dang near passed out on the kitchen floor, and then the bathroom floor, and then I involuntarily peed myself a little. At that point, I full-on panicked. I dragged myself up onto the toilet and told myself VERY FIRMLY that I would not pass out. I was alone. I could not pass out. Not an option. Nobody would come save me. Stay awake, stay awake. Get up. Get up. 

So, lots of adrenaline. Which is essentially what an epipen does. Panic works. Vision came back. Heart rate still really high, but not marathon-running high (thanks Fitbit). I took 3 Benedryl and a Claritin and decided to find a clinic. My brain was super fuzzy. Driving was dumb, but they saw me right away and gave me a steroid shot. She asked about a rash that was all over my body. I looked down at my arms and legs. "Nope. That's new."

They said that if they had to give me an epipen there, they'd have to send me to the hospital, so they just wanted to monitor me for a bit. I don't have insurance anymore, and they knew it, and the doctor was basically telling me that she was a really really good doctor who looks out for her patients in more ways than just healthcare. When I got in there, I think my heart was pumping around 120, but after about an hour sitting on the table, it came back down to 98. Still high, but not scary. That doctor gets free art. The first really good thing I produce goes to that woman. Maybe a flower and a bee. 

I now have an epipen and a gargantuan fear of ground wasps. 

And because I've been alone for two weeks without a plethora of work stress and people pinging me all day for advice and deliverables... I've had plenty of time to address a lying theiving ex-boyfriend who took off with a camper and has been trying to pretend it's his for the past two years. There's a lot of additional baggage there, but I basically gave him a deadline and then I'm suing him. He already sued me, flagrantly, claiming that a dog we bought together was mine and that he was just visiting (for free with all of his worldly possessions for 2 years) and that the dog he didn't know (but had been training for months) randomly bit him for no reason (while he was breaking up a dog fight) ... and that it was somehow my fault... and I'm just.... done. Done. He's a lying thieving narcissist, and I gave him a deadline before I take that camper away. 

So, obviously, there's some powerful bad vibes coming at me. (If you believe in that sort of thing... which I ... do. Yep.) I don't even hate him anymore. I just want him out of my life. He's someone else's problem. But I refuse to let him take anything more from me. And I'm also copying his parents, because they're the only people whose opinions he cares about and I think they're very kind, rational humans. I don't know how they spawned that baby. But I know he's incensed that I'm keeping them in the loop of his attempted thievery.

The point is.. I don't know how the world works. But I know that some terrible people get away with an awful lot, and some component of that seems to be just an effort of will. Bad vibes, bad juju, voodoo... karma doesn't enter into it for some people. They get away with terrible because they believe hard enough that they can. 

If I died, he'd get that camper and a property in Florida. I have to focus on not dying until I get this resolved. I refuse to die. Because that man is a terror. I will face the bees and smile and grit my teeth and I will not pass out. I will banish my fears of him and make sure that I only send him vibes of "Do not f*ck with me. I am not afraid." 

No more scared. ... Except the bees. That's new.